Friday Flashback

A word to the wise: Youtube is both a blessing and a curse. Watch these videos at your first opportunity. More than a dozen of my Friday Flashback videos have already been removed from the site due to the Big Brother record company spies out there. Not that I can blame them, but nonetheless let these words remind you that Youtube music is best served fresh or not at all.

On to this week's heaping helping. I've been somewhat remiss in my 70s offerings so I'm taking a short break from my speleological research for the Lower Caves to correct that issue. A glaring oversight is about to be filled (and then some) with this serving of classic GLAM ROCK.

First, the stunningly awesome original of a 70s classic from Sweet, the Desolation Boulevard UK LP version of Fox on the Run:



And the US single top 40 hit take on the same song, which most readers will recognize immediately:



Lastly, the rare demo version of the same song which cannot be embedded but at 1:44 long is worth a click in order to hear the complete Fox on the Run history.

Fox on the Run Demo

Damn, Sweet could jam.

Have yourselves a GLAMorous weekend!

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

One Dozen Days

For the next twelve days or so I'll be fairly scarce here as I have two pressing tasks which I need to see through to completion before the 28th. First is my contribution as one of the judges for the One Page Dungeon Contest. I'm nearly done with that effort. The second is finishing up the long lingering, somewhat troublesome Lower Caves of the Darkness Beneath level for Fight On!, something I've been wrestling with for far too long.

Speaking of the One Page Dungeon Contest, little did I know when I signed on to help judge these entries that we'd end up with so many! The daunting task of reading through the sheer number of entries was compounded by the fact that there are numerous fantastic One Page Dungeons in the mix, making the rating process harder than I would've imagined. There's some real talent out there and I'm convinced that once you see the winning entries you'll agree.

After many hours gnashing teeth and wringing hands, I am moving forward with a revamped, plot-lite version of the Lower Caves. The involved backstory and entangled scenarios of the original notes were proving to be too much. The sheer weight of the project was causing me to continually set it aside for another date. After 10 months of stop and start I've reworked those notes and begun anew. The map and most of the encounters remain unchanged, but the bulk of the story, ramifications of player actions and adventure paths have been expunged.

Before I sign off to focus on the above items, I'll tip my hand just a bit. For your viewing pleasure, below the break you'll find a sneak peek into my adventure design methods.

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Welcome to the Lair of Sham! Here you will discover images detailing my three step dungeon writing process; Inspiration, Notes, and the magic of Technology!

INSPIRATION must not be rushed. The One Page Dungeon Concept came to me here after an unfortunate TP supply oversight.


Me and my Lower Caves NOTES. Definitely one of my better photos. I know, I know, Brad Pitt...I get it all the time. Thank you Nutri-System!


Where the MAGIC happens! Hard to call myself a Grognard with all these new fangled geegaws. Oops, forgot to empty the wastebasket before snapping that photo.

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I'll be lurking in the shadows until I've finished judging those entries and writing the Lower Caves. Once those two tasks are wrapped up it's back to semi-regular blogging and another long lingering project, this time thankfully one with no deadline.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

Hidden Chests

Nick of Castle Dragonscar recently shared a nifty little OD&D dungeon he made using the Distribution of Monsters and Treasure guide from Vol. III, The Underworld and Wilderness Adventures. I enjoy using that guide for both random fills and restocking, as well as determining the contents of random treaure troves.

Longtime readers will remember how I made a single roll table with odds derived from those guides, one which changed slightly and has now morphed into Version 3.

Version 1:

Restock (1d6)
1 - Monster
2 - Monster & Treasure
3 to 6 - Empty (1in6 chance of hidden treasure)

Version 2 (below) succeeded in requiring less dice rolling while maintaining the same odds for hidden treasure.

Restock (1d6)
1 - Monster
2 - Monster & Treasure
3 to 5 - Empty
6 - Empty (4in6 chance of hidden treasure)

While considering how to streamline this process further, I realized I could do away with that last step in Version 2 altogether by introducing a new standard to the Dismal Depths, Hidden Chests.

Version 3:

Distribution & Restock (1d6)
1 - Monster
2 - Monster & Treasure
3 to 5 - Empty
6 - Empty (Hidden Chest)

Every dungeon has Traps and Secret Doors as well as suggestions on how to allow characters to sense or find them. Adding a third item to this concealed feature set seemed plausible and logical.

The Elf, in OD&D, has a 2in6 chance to sense the presence of a Secret Door, and double (4in6) the odds of locating one while searching in the proper area.

The Dwarf has the racial ability to note traps underground. As I've shared in the past, I use the Elf - Secret Door example as a precedent for judging this vague ability, allowing the Dwarf a 2in6 chance to sense the presence of a Trap, and double (4in6) chance to locate a Trap while searching in the proper area.

It only seems natural for me to handle this new, third standard in much the same fashion. Pick your campaign's burglar/robber/scalawag type (even if he's no more than a Fighting Man class-wise), be it the Hobbit, 'obbit, Halfling, Hobling, or Hoblit, and make that greedy little blighter the Hidden Chest expert. Again, using the Elf precedent:

The Hobbit has a 2in6 chance to sense the presence of a Hidden Chest, and double the odds (4in6) of locating one while searching in the proper area.

My concerns with the notion of Hidden Chests as a new standard include the fact that Traps and Secret Doors are found outside of rooms or chambers just as often as within, and that neither Traps nor Secret Doors are included on random tables like my latest Distribution & Restock Table. Well, not to worry, Hidden Chests can also be placed on the map with a symbol and legend description, just like Secret Doors. Nothing revolutionary here, but then I realized...why aren't there any random Traps on such a Distribution table? Hidden Chests takes care of that as well now.

But wait Sham, there's still no Traps on that there table! Ah, that's where I realized that the new standard would work well for my dungeons. The 1 out of 6 randomly filled rooms in your dungeon that end up with a Hidden Chest result can be, as always, filled manually, or one can roll on the subtable below:

Hidden Chest Table (All Locked)
1. Empty
2. Trap, Empty
3-4. Treasure
5-6. Trap & Treasure

And viola! I have Traps in my latest Restock table. Oh, and yes, there will be an optional Chest Traps Table for a half-dozen Trap examples. I'm still trying to decide how that will mesh with the Dismal Depths Trap Guide.

For those keeping score at home, this new version still maintains the original ratios. One third of the rooms have Monsters, of those one half have treasure. Two thirds of the rooms are empty, of those 1 in 6 have hidden treasure. Overall rounded percentages, for the original guide as well as all three single table versions, look like this:

Monsters 33.3%
No Monsters 66.7%
Treasure 27.7%
No Treasure 72.3%

Version 3 Features:
Hidden Chest 16.7%
Trap 8.4%

The notion of Hidden Chests might introduce a new Magic Item for the Dismal Depths as well, single use Magic Keys which disappear after opening a Hidden Chest. This depends upon whether or not there are any ne'er-do-well rapscallion types included in the campaign or not.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

The Mt. Rushmore of D&D Monsters

"Mt. Rushmore", in this blog's context, means the four most iconic or important items from a particular D&D topic. Today's topic is Monsters. The previous topics were Spells and Magic Items.

What would your Mt. Rushmore of D&D Monsters look like? You're only allowed four and for this exercise make the list without consulting any D&D books. After making your list, proceed to comments to see mine.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

Friday Flashback

Friday Flashback: Retro-Clone Version!

In the spirit of Labyrinth Lord and Swords & Wizardry, I present musical Retro-Clones of that other significant 70s revolution, Punk (yes, D&D was not the only important thing to happen in that decade). After 30 years, these guys GET IT!

First off, I can't resist these French babes and their garage retro Pop-Punk sound, The Plasticines and their rockin' song Loser:



Next, former Blur member Graham Coxon shells out some pure retro PUNK with Freakin' Out:



And, in the Art School CBGBs style, DIG THIS retro Punk from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the effusive Karen O singing Rich (apologies for the audio interruption and cut-off):



The delivery might be updated, but the attitude is what matters, three decades later. Punk will never die.

Have a great retro-freakin-weekend.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

The Mt. Rushmore of D&D Magic Items

"Mt. Rushmore", in this blog's context, means the four most iconic or important items from a particular D&D topic. Today's topic is Magic Items. The previous topic was Spells and next will be Monsters.

What would your Mt. Rushmore of D&D Magic Items look like? You're only allowed four and for this exercise make the list without consulting any D&D books. After making your list, proceed to comments to see mine.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

The Mt. Rushmore of D&D Spells

I'm kicking off a mini-series today, a short lived theme called Mt. Rushmore.

"Mt. Rushmore", in this blog's context, means the four most iconic or important items from a particular D&D topic. Today's topic is Spells, future topics will be Magic Items and Monsters.

What would your Mt. Rushmore of D&D Spells look like? You're only allowed four and for this exercise make the list without consulting any D&D books. After making your list, proceed to comments to see mine.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

Friday Flashback

Who would've thunk it? A song about jilted homosexual love with lyrics that rankle the FCC on Friday Flashback? I know, I know...but bear with me and read on. I'll bet you've heard this one before... Jet Boy, Jet Girl, originally written and recorded by Elton Motello in 1977, is a song that just won't go away. It's popularity stems from the blissfully catchy tune and chorus in spite of the lyrical content of Elton Motello's original. Released in November of 1977, it predates Plastic Bertand's wildly popular Ca plane pour moi, released in December of 77, by one month. The only common theme between the two is the music itself. Plastic Bertrand recorded his lyrics with the same backing band featured on Elton Motello's Jet Boy, Jet Girl, using the same melody. Both songs have been covered by countless bands since 1977, most notably Jet Boy, Jet Girl by The Damned, the song which most listeners will identify with and probably assume was the original. "Ca plane pour moi" translates roughly to "It is gliding for me", or basically, "Everything is swell", the lyrics relate the story of a night of drunken debauchery and a one night stand. The lyrics are mild compared to the Elton Motello original, which many laud as a gay Punk anthem of sorts. It's not the lyrics that make this particular song but the pop perfection of the melody and that always recognizable chorus.

I'm not sure if it's the unsettling lyrics of the original, or the unusual story behind the recording of Ca plane pour moi, whatever the case may be the trend of using the melody and chorus of Jet Boy, Jet Girl set to entirely different lyrics continues to this day.

I'll ease into this one with Plastic Bertrand's Ca plane pour moi:



Now Elton Motello's original Jet Boy, Jet Girl:



And The Damned performing their classic version live:



And finally an example of the strange Jet Boy, Jet Girl phenomenon recorded by Dr. Explosion called Surf Taliban:



Have a great weekend and let it all glide for you too.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

Quotable Arneson

During my recent research into Blackmoor, I saved a number of tidbits which I found interesting along the way. Of particular note are quotes from a few different interviews with Blackmoor's creator, Dave Arneson, dating from 1981, 1999 and 2004.

Dave Arneson Quotes

On Blackmoor's origins:
We established in our historical campaigns the principal of having a Judge who everyone listened to and who set up the battle or campaign. That’s where we were coming from, traditional wargaming.

On Blackmoor's best feature:
To me, what made it unique and different was that a lot of what made up Blackmoor was input from the players and the way they were seeing the world, and what they were doing in it. I just kept notes. I built the framework, and would occasionally throw in a few storylines, but it was the players getting involved in filling in a lot of the gaps that made a difference.

On TSR:
I was doing a lot of work for them but they weren’t doing anything with it. I got tired of waiting a year and a half to get something published so we parted.

On Homebrew:
We ask people to use their imaginations and when you do that, they tend to have their own ideas of how things should be done. Any group that sets up a dungeon will eventually have their own rules.

On Role-Playing:
When I do my games, I give roleplaying points for people staying within their character. If they want to go out and kill things, that's easy to do, and a lot of referees that's all they do, but there's more to it. The richness is not in just rolling dice, the richness is in the characters and becoming part of this fantasy world.

On Player involvement:
...when a character gets killed, I let the player run the monsters that the party encounters. This way he or she stays involved, rather than becoming a spectator or leaving. When the party encounters intelligent monsters, I brief them on what that monster’s life goals are (usually "Guard this room, don’t let anyone in"). Then if the party wants to negotiate, they negotiate with him rather than me. That system also takes a little pressure off of me as a Judge.

On 25 years of RPGs:
Sitting down and reading boxed dialog, going through seven or eight volumes of rules, is a long way from the scribbled notes I started off with...It just got very, very complicated and, in the efforts to simplify things, they just lost whatever creativity was left...I think what you lost there was the spontaneity of the whole operation...Too many of them try to do everything, or they follow the official line of "You can't change anything or you'll destroy the rules."...That's not the way things started, that's not the way things should be. If something doesn't work, get rid of it. If something works in another set of rules and you want to put it in your game, go for it. The [rules'] job is to make the referee's life easier, so he can referee, not harder.

The above copyright Judges Guild, 1981 and 1999.

On Blackmoor Castle, the first Dungeon:
Well, dungeon crawls were, I think, the easiest things to set up because all you had to do was draw a grid map and didn't have to worry about the great outdoors and setting up trees and stuff. People also couldn't go wandering off where you didn't have a map because it was solid rock.

On Rules:
Most of the rules are only between my ears and they're constantly changing.

The above, including image, copyright IGN Entertainment, 2004.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee

ORIGINS of a HOBBY

A chronological study of some of the most important events leading to the first published modern RPG, TSR's Dungeons & Dragons, 1974.

ORIGINS of a HOBBY: from LONDON to LAKE GENEVA

1893: William Britain, Jr. invents hollow casting in lead.
Wm. Britain, Jr's new hollow casting technique uses less lead which revolutionizes the toy soldier market. The result is little lead men which are less expensive to both produce and ship, making the collectibles more affordable and available in large quantities. Competitors soon followed suit and toy soldiers were being mass produced for the first time in history. Amazingly enough it all started with little Billy who had just inherited the toy company and didn't know the difference between dry measure and liquid measure. Junior went on to sell his toy soldiers across the globe, often delivering them by hand to such remote regions as Paris, France and nearby French Indochina.

1910: The Great War Game, Hanks.
Possibly the first published wargame designed for use with toy soldiers. Date not verified. Marketed in the U.K. as a game for Boy Scouts, it apparently did not prepare them for Tanks, Machine Guns, Mustard Gas or Barbed Wire. Unfortunately the supplement, The Great Dig a Trench War Game, never made it to publication. Interestingly enough, the game predated The Great War itself by four years. That's World War I in case you haven't been paying attention...ever.

1913: Little Wars, H. G. Wells.

Widely considered the first published wargame for miniature figures. By renaming the toy soldiers “miniature figures” and adding serious rules for shooting a toy cannon at them, adults could continue behaving like children in dignity. According to observers, Mr. Wells was notorious for making up house rules on the spot while playing Little Wars. Herbert would later use some of these personal house rules as inspiration for his most famous novels: The Time Machine (take an extra turn), The Invisible Man (add new troops mid game), War of the Worlds (bring random objects such as colanders to the field), and The Sleeper Awakes (enemy soldiers knocked over by Kipper the family Corgi were “dead”).

1929: ShamBattle, Dowdall & Gleason.

First U.S. Wargame for miniature figures. The major advantage on this side of the pond was access to Lincoln Logs, another toy which adults need a good reason to play with. The game's subtitle, Quixotic Reenactment, is one of gaming's strange, ironic twists. Not really. Entertainment trivia buffs will note that one of the coauthors is better known for his ongoing role as the lovable town drunk Otis in the long running television series The Andy Griffith Show.

1936: Real War threatens.

Hints of the struggle soon to come in Europe and across the globe are evident when Germany declares that the first true wargame was the Kriegsspiel, produced by Prussian army lieutenant von Reisswitz in 1824. Seeking to prove to the rest of Europe that England's Little Wars claims were hollow, Germany was gearing up for war. Then a rift in the Kriegsspiel methodology and doctrine divides the military minds into two distinct camps; those insisting on the 1824 von Reisswitz version, and those backing the more modern 1862 von Tschischwitz game. War is averted as die Alte Schule and die Neue Schule create an impasse in the German military machine. That and the imposing Maginot Line had German Officers wringing their hands in frustration for years.

1943: Fletcher Pratt's Naval War Game, Fletcher Pratt.
Perhaps if his pal L. Sprague had been involved the title for Fletcher Pratt's widely famous game would've been more clever, but Mr. de Camp was busy revealing the sordid truth behind the H. G. Wells Little Wars myth. Outrageous claims leveled against H.G. included de Camp insisting that the Little Wars subtitle, “a game for boys from twelve years of age to one hundred and fifty and for the more intelligent sort of girl who likes boy's games and books” was clear evidence that Mr. Wells was an unrepentant male chauvinist. Wellsians to this day have not forgiven the misguided de Camp.

1958: Gettysburg, Avalon Hill.

Gettysburg, along with other Avalon Hill Adult Games series titles, takes the battle away from miniatures and to the military boardgame. Gettysburg took the miniature figures world head on, redefining wargaming forever. Modern versions of this classic game feature Architecture Buffs defending the Cyclorama Visitor's Center and Gift Shop from History Buffs on a headlong Picket's Charge maneuver.

1959: Diplomacy, Allan B. Calhamer.

A military boardgame of strategy, negotiation and psychology with no dice and an optional GM/Judge. Optional as in if anyone wants to go home alive after the game you'd better make sure you have one. One of the first games to encourage lying and backstabbing, Diplomacy has established itself as a true classic. The more realistic house ruled version encourages cheating; eavesdropping and hiding, altering or peeking at notes. The game was a popular pastime behind the scenes during the Nixon administration. CAD (Citizens Against Diplomacy) blame the evil game for Richard's inexplicable activities during Watergate, and have been seeking to ban it ever since.

1966: Modern War in Miniature, Michael F. Korns.

First wargame with individual player-controlled Characters and a GM/Judge. And now we arrive at the first true RPG. Or is it a wargame? Well, it's both, and Modern War in Miniature includes a GM who sets everything up and can explain exactly why the Panzerkampfwagen VI was actually a better fit for the Wehrmacht than the SdKfz 182 Konigstiger. The original manuscripts for the game were tragically lost when the author used too much lighter fluid while melting plastic soldiers in a miniature flame-thrower encounter and set off a brick of fire-crackers. In perhaps history's first display of GM ad-lib aplomb, Michael declared that the battle was postponed on account of the Brits celebrating Guy Fawkes Night.

1966: Fight in the Skies, Mike Carr.

First RPG/wargame with persistent Characters and Experience. Still going strong, this game's newer version is called Dawn Patrol. It is the only game that has been played at every single GENCON since the first, in 1968. Of note is the fact that 2004 was the first GENCON where Mike Carr wasn't the only participant to sign-up for and play the game. Coincidentally, the 2004 convention also marked the end of Mr. Carr's record-setting 35 year run as Top Ace of GENCON. Rumors are that Mike Carr will unveil his “Snoopy Sopwith Gambit” at GENCON 41 this year in one last ditch effort to win back his hard earned title.

1969: Braunstein I, David Wesely.

Considered the first Open-Ended RPG/wargame sessions (not published). If it hadn't been for the players clamoring for another, that would have been the last Braunstein, as Wesely considered the whole thing a failure. Truth be told, Wesely had planned to come up with the worst possible game night ever for the club in hopes that they wouldn't ask him to run anything again. Wesely arrived for the game with no preparations, and figured if he just "winged it" all night his goal would be accomplished. When that backfired David was finally able to escape the constant "More Braunstein!" demands by joining the US Army. Wesely is credited with introducing polyhedral dice to gaming, laying the groundwork for the modern RPG, and inventing Thumb Wrestling.

1971: Chainmail, Gygax & Perren.

First published fantasy wargame for miniature figures. Regardless of which story you believe, Gygax's or Arneson's, it seems quite clear that Chainmail was a vital part of the concept that Dave Arneson formulated the same year with his Blackmoor campaign. Chainmail is an important piece of the puzzle detailing how modern RPGs came to be. Prior to the Fantasy Supplement section, Chainmail was published in two parts in The Domesday Book, the newsletter of the Castles & Crusades Society. Other articles included alongside Chainmail were Fabricating your first Beer Bong, Electric Jello: a How To, Hamms versus Pabst: the Debate Continues, and A Guide to Satisfying the Munchies.

1971: Tractics, Reese & Tucker.

The first wargame to use 20-sided dice. A game of modern tank battles, it required a d20 in order to establish the base 30% (15 or higher) chance to hit another tank. This was before the advent of the 10-sided die. The game borrowed from Michael Korns' Modern War in Miniature in that a GM/Judge was required to adjudicate the fog of war. The rules served to display the greater numeric range and higher level of detail possible with the d20. The game's major drawback was the sheer amount of set-up time involved. The rules were written on a scale of 1:1, meaning real-life tanks had to be employed. Reese and Tucker were last seen trying to secure a refurbished British Comet tank in 2001, near Brighton, Sussex, England. The very first Tractics game should be underway by the end of 2012.

1971: Blackmoor Castle, Dave Arneson.

Dave Arneson introduces Teamwork, Dungeons and other essential fantasy RPG concepts to his Twin Cities Club. Grows into the first fantasy Campaign, eventually defining the modern RPG (not published). Dave Arneson blended, borrowed, meshed and tested anything and everything while running his early, experimental games. It was the concept that continues, to this day, to shine through, no matter what form it has taken. This was the beginning of the modern RPG. Certain details of Blackmoor found their way into published form in The First Fantasy Campaign from Judges Guild. Notable players in those first Blackmoor sessions included Greg “Svenny” Svenson, Stephen “Rocky” Rocheford, Mike “von Ricthofen” Carr and future professional golfer “Fairway” Freddy Funk. The earliest participants in Blackmoor actually took on the role of their real life personae, except for role-playing pioneer Bill “Three-Dollar” Hastings, who insisted on playing as Annette Funicello's Dee Dee from the uproarious 1965 film, Beach Blanket Bingo.

1972: Castle Greyhawk, Gygax & Kuntz.

After seeing how Arneson ran a Blackmoor session, Gary Gygax and Rob Kuntz collaborate to create their own version of Blackmoor Castle for their Lake Geneva Club, naming it Castle Greyhawk (not published). Given an outlet for his writing skills, Gary Gygax never looked back. The World of Greyhawk which was born of these early days remains a strong, viable fantasy campaign setting. What really stands out is the passion and verve with which Gary undertook the labor of bringing life to his imaginary world. A world which has seen countless fans and players of Dungeons & Dragons through the decades. It is said the very first expedition into Castle Greyhawk, consisting of Gary as Referee, and his son Ernie, Don Kaye, and the Kuntz brothers Rob and Terry as players, was almost a complete disaster due to Gary's insistence that all participants speak entirely in anagrams. Eventually the session was saved when it turned into an evening of experience point rewards for clever puns and one-liners. Although the dungeon entrance was not discovered on that initial adventure, the characters did happen upon the now infamous Concession Stand of Endless Hot Dogs in the castle ruins.

1972: Don't Give Up the Ship! Arneson, Gygax & Carr.
The first in a long line of collaborations from the creative team of Dave and Gary. Mike Carr contributed research and quite a bit of the writing and design here as well. In fact, he impressed the TSR guys so much that he went on to write the now famous module B1: In Search of the Unknown, and edited the first three AD&D books: Monster Manual, Player's Handbook, and the Dungeon Master's Guide. Now he writes about snowmobiles and pursues his first love, World War I Ace Pilots from his secluded Wisconsin mansion, Quasqueton. Sources say there is indeed a room within full of mysterious pools. You guessed it, I don't have anything to say about Don't Give Up the Ship! at all. I'm sure it's a fine wargame, as Naval wargames go. I only wish that Arneson and Gygax had followed the theme of the game's title and continued working together.

1974: Dungeons & Dragons, Gygax & Arneson.

The first published modern RPG. And thus, here we are at the end of the time line. Sure, some things have changed out there in RPG land, but truly the modern RPG is, at it's core, still the same product we were given in 1974 by Gygax and Arneson. The concept is the thing, the rules are secondary. Whether you prefer rolling dice to role-playing, that's fine. Whether you prefer open-ended sand-box play to story-telling narrative games, that's fine. Don't like dice? They're not needed. This rule or that rule makes no sense? Change it. The critics can lay whatever claims they care to at the feet of 1974's Dungeons & Dragons game, but it's the concept that was conveyed within those three volumes that matters. Whether or not Gygax changed every single mechanic that Arneson had devised is likewise irrelevant. 1974 saw the introduction of a new concept in gaming, and the world stood up and took notice. In one form or another, D&D and the concept it unleashed upon mankind will always be with us...until Domesday that is.

Special thanks to Bob Beattie for his Wargaming Time-Line. I make no claims of ownership of the above titles or affiliation with the parties involved. As to my historical facts, parties wishing to dispute my findings may do so over a cold beer at an undisclosed local watering hole.

~Sham, Quixotic Referee